The Dawn of Sam

Samuel awoke early one morning as the first rays of sunlight pierced the mouth of the cave where he slept. Rubbing his eyes with grubby hands, he felt the rumbling pangs of hunger that urged him from the floor each morning. Samuel sniffed at a rabbit carcass hanging from a pole near the fire pit. It was smelling a bit ripe, but would probably make a passable breakfast.

Having broken his fast, Samuel ventured to a wooded area to relieve himself—always carrying his spear in the event something edible should wander by. He realized that his loincloth was beginning to get itchy. It occurred to him, not for the first time, that he might want to invest some time in making a second one. Then he headed to the stream to wash himself and his clothing.
Shivering in the waist deep water, Samuel scrubbed and smacked his loin cloth on a large rock and left it laying there to dry. Grumbling to himself, he snatched up a handful of cattails and scrubbed his back with them. Samuel grinned as goose bumps rose on his skin. Hearing a rustling on the stream bank, Samuel paused in mid-scrub.

Narrowing his eyes, Samuel peered into the forest. After some seconds, he spotted a smallish rabbit scratching around in the leaves. “Too small for a loin cloth,” Samuel chuckled to himself, “but it might not make a bad snack.” With the stealth of an anaconda, Samuel turned in the water, grabbed his spear from the bank and sent a dead-on missile at the unsuspecting rabbit who never knew what hit him. Samuel’s whoop of victory startled a fantastic looking buck that ran off into the woods unnoticed.

As he climbed out of the water to claim his kill, Samuel noticed a lady scrubbing an entire stack of clothing on a rock not fifty feet from his own washing spot. As these prehistoric garments were purely for practical purposes (warmth and protection) and had not a thing to do with modesty, Samuel walked right over to the woman leaving his own loin cloth behind.

“Good day to you, Miss,” Samuel said as he approached the woman.
“Sir,” she said and nodded.
“Well, I can’t help wondering about this huge stack of wash you’re doing. Is that all for yourself?” Samuel asked.
“That’s very rude, you know,” the lady scolded. “It wouldn’t hurt to introduce yourself. And look at you, running around like a wild animal. I see that rabbit, there. Looks like it would make a fine loin cloth for you”
“It’s too small!” Samuel interrupted.

She continued as if to herself, “It’ll serve you right if you go out and injure yourself. Barging in on folks who’s trying to wash.”
“Forgive me, Miss. I’m Samuel. I’d like to know your name. I’d also like to know why you have all that wash.” Samuel persisted.
“Well, a lady likes to have options, you know! And I’m Ruby. As if I wanted to go round wearing the same grubby old clothes all the time, day after day. They stink after a while, they do. It’s just not healthy.”

Samuel, who had seen very few people in his time had never ever seen one who talked quite as much as this one. He was intrigued.
“Ruby, I’m actually in need of some additional clothing. I was saying that to myself just this morning. You have such a lot of it. How about you help a neighbor out. Surely you can spare a small… well, one of the larger pieces there. It’s just not possible that you find time to wear it all. I can’t believe that.”

“Give you my clothes!?” Ruby was incredulous!
“Why not?” Samuel began as Ruby stared daggers at him, “What I meant to say,” he embellished, “Why not… let me give you something in return for the clothes. What do you say?”
“What would you give me?” She asked suspiciously.
Samuel examined his naked self—holding nothing but a spear and a dead rabbit. “Take this rabbit! He’s a nice size for eating. I can find me another.”
“Oh, you’re as good a hunter as all that, are you?” Ruby asked. But Samuel could tell she was warming to the idea. She had that haunted, hungry look he found so attractive.

After hesitating a moment more, Ruby grabbed the rabbit and tossed a piece of clean fur at Samuel. While he groped for the skin, Ruby gathered her things and stomped off into the forest. By the time Samuel could collect himself and shout, “Can I see you again?” Ruby was too far away to take any notice.

As Samuel walked away, he unfolded his new fur and saw, to his disappointment, that it was medium sized at best. Maybe she hadn’t been very impressed by him.

He was thoughtful on his way back to his cave that morning. He absentmindedly thwacked a squirrel on the head. He retrieved it from the ground and held it up to admire it. He thought of Ruby and wondered what she would give him for this little squirrel. He would have to see her again to find out.

(Stay tuned for the next episode of…The Dawn Of Sam)

Written by Cassandra Hall - Contributing Editor

This entry was posted on Friday, June 8th, 2007 at 5:51 am and is filed under The Dawn Of Sam (Satire). You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.